It felt as if an anchor had been tied to my leg and was pulling me down into the deepest darkest depths of the ocean. Tears flowed like rivers, merging with the current of my aloneness and plunging me further into a deep ocean trench.

I could feel the deep roar of my inner waterfalls as hopeless desperation swept over me. The inevitable descent over the water’s edge plunged me into the chaotic ocean of emotional turmoil that I had been suppressing for years.

I was swimming in a sea of grief and sadness.

Breathless, contracted………lost.

I could no longer abandon the pain.

I laid like pieces of cracked shell on the hot molten rock of the Earth’s mantle.

I set out to heal the gaping hole it left in my heart by immersing myself in yoga, meditation, and breath-work; diving deep into different energy work, plant medicines and healing modalities.

I began meditating four, five, six, sometimes even seven hours a night. I would use all kinds of methods for meditation, including; breath-work, silence, mantras, essential oils, striking a random yoga pose, singing, dancing, and drumming.